On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
We don't watch enough power rangers
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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