and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
