so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
