Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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