Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
