you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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