I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
