thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
someone threw a dead crab at me
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize
