Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
