he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
