dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
