Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
