Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Randomize
