Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
