We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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