don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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