Capitaan dildo arrescate!
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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