stop calling my apartment porn island.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
