The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
