I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
