If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
