After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
It's official drugs can't kill me
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize