The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
dude i'm inner monologue high
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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