So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize