I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
