Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize