You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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