guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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