I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
