i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Houston, we have a squirter
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
