oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Welp...herpes.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
