He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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