it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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