Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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