the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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