YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I want a musical about memes.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
