it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
