You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize