So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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