i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I don't think brook has ever known best
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
