upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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