he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
