If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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