I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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