Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
