Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize