I'm laying in your front yard are you home
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
