my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
