Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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