now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
