This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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