omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
