she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
