If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
