i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
