my mouth tastes like poor choices
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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