because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
