trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
porn star boner night. come get it.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
