hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
