Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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