I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
