I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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