See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
