Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
