i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
