i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
we're so committed to being not committed
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
