I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize