Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
