I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
