True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
