I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
